What is First Boy Syndrome? 5 Things Parents Should Avoid Keeping Children Away from First Boy Syndrome.

The First Boy Syndrome

The First Boy Syndrome is the term not familiar to all but it’s the most experienced by all the children throughout their childhood and even in adolescence period. The First Boy Syndrome is the syndrome seen in children due to the immense pressure put by the parents and other significant ones for being ” First” in all examinations of academic assessment and also in other fields like Art, Music and other co-curricular activities. It’s the term first mentioned by the great economist, Dr, Amartya Sen, the Nobel Award winner in one of his articles published in ‘Readers Digest’ in 2019.

He mentioned in the article that how our Indian Education System is still now focusing on marks and grades rather than skills and abilities of the children. In the long run of the life, it’s not the marks only that can give success but the life skills, emotional intelligence, empathy, compassion, togetherness matters a lot.

Why is the “First Boy Syndrome” Developed?

The First Boy Syndrome- the tendency to be the ‘First’ in all competitions, all assessments developed in children as their parents are putting huge pressure on them for being the first one into the merit list- being the first rank holder in all competitions. Sometimes when the kids are getting second position for only 1 or 2 marks, some parents are sad, disappointed though the kids score high than their previous examination. The behavior of the parents pretending that they are not dealing with the growth of their children but only want to see their kids in the topmost position.

When the children are getting the first rank, many parents are celebrating the success of ‘ being First’ and thus sowing the seed of the ‘First Boy Syndrome’ in the children. Thus, the young children nurture this syndrome in them to make their parents happy, to get appreciation from parents and also overlapping the success with ‘being First only.

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What Things Parents Should Avoid Keeping Children away from

” First Boy Syndrome”?

It’s mainly the parents only who make the children to develop the First Boy Syndrome as the parents are pampering the children, appreciating them, giving them expensive gifts if and only if they can be the first in the class or group or examinations. Rarely the parents praise the second, third or fifth position holder in any race or test or other. Sometimes the parents start to compare their children with the first position holder and expressing their sigh of sadness or putting more pressure on them for study or others. Thus make the life of the children full of struggles, competition, proving themselves better than others and removing all kind of childhood joy and exploration of the world.

So, some things that parents should be avoided to keep children away from the “First Boy Syndrome’ are stated here.

Don’t Compare your Child

Every child is unique with unique talents, immense possibilities and unique characteristics. We cannot compare one child with other children as we cannot compare the beauty of flowers. Whether your child is in first, second or sixth position, the parents should motivate the children for further growth and development. Being First in the class or school cannot be the ultimate motto of the children and parents should never compare their children with other children and thus keeping them away from the “First Boy Syndrome”.

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Don’t Insult your Child

Yes, it’s the most important thing must be remembered by the parents. Often, we, the parents say rude or insulting words to the children for their weak performance or failures- sometimes in front of other people. And those harsh words from the parents actually work as the triggers for some children to be obsessed with ranks, marks or grades and cannot see themselves away from the top position or grade. Even the slightest deterioration in academic performance makes them depressed, hopeless and thus they are suffering from the “First Boy Syndrome.”

Don’t be Sad for the Poor Performance

Often the children try to please their parents, family members, teachers especially the parents. When the parents are happy, good, the children are also happy and relaxed. And the vice-versa is happened- when the parents are not feeling okay or sad or angry, the kids are really very unhappy and try to bring smile in their parent’s face. Especially, when the parents are sad, irritated for the children’s academic performance or other activities- feeling bad for low rank of the kids, then the kids grow guilt feeling in them. This guilt feeling and the tendency to make parents happy, often throw the kids into the circle of the First Boy Syndrome.

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Avoid Punishment

The parents should never use punishment whether physical or psychological to discipline the children or to teach them new things. Any kind of punishment never do any good to children but can grow phobia- fear of failure in them and negatively affect their self-confidence and self-esteem. If the parents punish children for not being First position holder in the annual examination or for the poor academic performance, they will surely develop First Boy Syndrome in them only due to fear of punishment.

Don’t Praise Only for Good Result

If the parents and others excessively praise the children for their good performance, high rank in the competitive examination, for being First in the class or batch, it may lead to develop First Boy Syndrome in children. No, I am not against for praising someone for his\her excellent performance; but I am trying to tell that we should praise child for each small deed done by them, not only for good academics. Suppose if the children show little bit of kindness, compassion like sharing tiffin with friends, helping the friend with a pen or taking care of some plants in the garden, we should also praise the children for each act of responsibility and kindness.

Words from Wingsofwishes.in

We are now living in an age of robotics, space technology, artificial intelligence, but at the same time many parts of our world are in unrest position, fighting with each other, taking the lives of innocent people including the children. So, now the parents of the younger children need to inculcate not the tendency of ” First Boy Syndrome” but the kindness, empathy, compassion and cooperation. Moreover, the excessive pressure for the ” First Boy Syndrome” often lead to children into Depression, Anxiety Disorder and even in Suicide.

Let Us Help Our Children to Bloom to their Fullest.

References

1.The First Boy Syndrome (readersdigest.in)

2.Freedom and Democracy: The Country of First Boys: Amartya Sen Again on Identity and Violence Ten Years Later | Reset DOC

3.who mental health report – Search (bing.com)

4.Mental health and well-being | UNICEF Parenting